Because He Lives*

Wednesday, January 28, 2009
12:08 AM

It is over.

Goodbye.

*He guides me in paths of righteousness

Because He Lives*

Thursday, December 18, 2008
5:15 PM

It's painful, the cutting words, the true revelation, on how horrible a companion I make.

I push people to do the things they don't like.
I force people to do the things they can't.

And all I can sincerely ask is, "did I?".

Maybe I'm destined to be single for the Lord. To spare men the agony in the form of this "small, cute little girl" for she is a monster in sheep's clothing.

Seems like I strayed far from my mission on Earth:

1) To bless people
Did I? No one told me they feel blessed by me. But my loved one pleaded with me to stop pressurizing and forcing any further. What did I do? I just make small requests. If can't fulfill it's ok, no one is pushing. But I did. I pushed. I pushed you over the edge, but before you fall, I fell.

2) To grow spiritually
I have placed my focus elsewhere, and God is moulding me back to where I should focus on. Not so hard, it hurts.

3) To share the gospel
Well, My Hope Singapore is in 3 days time. Let's hope I can at least fulfill this.

4) To better manage my time
I spend a lot of time enjoying myself with you.

5) To be able to say mission accomplished.

6) To be able to eat proper meals everyday.
I will work on it when I get my appetite back.

7) To live a fulfilling and wholesome life.
I can, if I were to sacrifice my "Isaac". Do I dare take up this challenge?

8) To be able to go for mission trips
MT to Khon Kaen was cancelled. Awaiting the next available one. The further away from SG the better. The longer the trip, the better.

9) To be obedient to His will and calling.
I will and choose to be obedient, just reveal to me Your will and calling! At this rate, I feel like I'm walking the wrong way! Why is the path so difficult to tread upon? Is it meant to be? Lord please guide me. Drag my lifeless body back to the path I am supposed to take. The roads hurt no more, the chill bites no more.

What lies ahead for me? For us?

My head hurts dwelling in the negative. But there's nothing positive now, is there?

Put all the pain on me, spare him. I'm willing. Is this the start of my suffering? Good. Then take suffering away from him. No point 2 people suffer for the same cause.

Please, spare him the agony.

The agony of me.

*He guides me in paths of righteousness

Because He Lives*

Friday, December 05, 2008
10:22 AM

When he saw Jesus from afar, he ran and worshiped Him. And he cried out with a loud voice and said, "What have I to do with You, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? I implore You by God that You do not torment me."
For He said to him, "Come out of the man, unclean spirit!"
Then He asked him, "What is your name?"
And he answered, saying, "My name is Legion; for we are many."
Also he begged Him earnestly that He would not send them out of the country.

Now a large herd of swine was feeding there near the mountains. So all the demons begged Him, saying, "Send us to the swine, that we may enter them."
And at once Jesus gave them permission. Then the unclean spirits went out and entered the swine (there were about two thousand); and the herd ran violently down the steep place into the sea, and drowned in the sea.
Mark 5:6-13

Have you ever been fascinated by the above story? I was, and that was all,
until the Lord revealed something humbling to me.

Worship - as shared previously, the highest form of worship unto the Lord is when we verbally ask, seek, thank, proclaim or acknowledge Him for who He is and what He has done....for such worship is in spirit and truth.

Ran - Mark 6:33: But the multitudes saw them departing, and many knew Him and ran there on foot from all the cities. They arrived before them and came together to Him.
A demon possessed man ran to Jesus....multitudes who knew Jesus ran to Him. That's the attitude we must have, to always always run first to Jesus in every situation, worshipping (see above) Him.... not to man.....in good times and bad times....not only in bad times.

These are the humbling revelation:

Implore, begged - the demon implored and begged Jesus, and being the gracious Lord He is, He gave permission !!!

1) What the Lord has shown me is that when my prayers/requests are answered, I am never to think that I have a right standing before God, for even the Lord answers the demons !!!

Then the unclean spirits went out and entered the swine; and the herd ran violently down the steep place into the sea, and drowned in the sea.

2) The Lord showed in in the above is that the Lord answers our prayers so that we may know of His grace, His goodness and His mercy, in order that we may come to repentance.. but if we do not change, our end will still be the same.

Pride goes before destruction,
And a haughty spirit before a fall.
Better to be of a humble spirit with the lowly,
Than to divide the spoil with the proud.
He who heeds the word wisely will find good,
And whoever trusts in the LORD, happy is he.

*He guides me in paths of righteousness

Because He Lives*

Thursday, November 13, 2008
6:40 PM

The road is long
With many a winding turns

He is faithful,
He is faithful,
He is faithful,
His joy is my strength...

My life, my burdens, I place in your hands, God.
Use it for your glory.
Basking in the happy times, dwelling in the painful times.
Above all, for every second of my life, I choose to give thanks.

:)

I will wait patiently for His perfect timing. I will not falter, not stray away.
I will be faithful and continue to press on heavenwards to the goal that He has prepared for me.

God I thank you for him.
I really do. :)

*He guides me in paths of righteousness

Because He Lives*

Thursday, November 06, 2008
9:44 AM

I'm crawling on the thorn-filled floor, with each step painful and excruciating, wanting to reach the goal that God has prepared for me. Yet, is this what God has prepared for me? Am I suffering for nothing or for a bigger picture I have yet to see? I want to give up not as a choice but coerced to give up because my knees are bleeding and I'm ignoring the pain, the flesh of my palms are ripped apart but I'm ignoring the pain. Still I crawl forth. Do I stop now or do I carry on?

Emotions, I learn to disregard.
Where do I go now?
What have I become?
Where am I now in this short span of youthfulness?
How long more do I have to wait?
Is this a test of endurance?

Am I being impatient?
Am I being absurd?
Am I being unreasonable?

This chapter of life starts on like this.
This chapter of life, will it end like a kiss?

Negativity is haunting me, many voices are cautioning me.
I find no comfort anywhere, only from God.

This is what I want, what I chose.
But I'm not prepared to die for it yet.
Sacrificing too much, with naught in return (yet).
To give myself away, not to the game of love,
But to the pain and denial the world brings.

I'm in pain, yet no one can help me. But God.

*He guides me in paths of righteousness

Because He Lives*

Thursday, October 02, 2008
6:15 PM

3 Weddings and a staff retreat.

By the grace of God!

*He guides me in paths of righteousness

Because He Lives*

Thursday, September 11, 2008
11:14 AM

It is the end of a chapter, and the start of a new.

As the old chapter closes, it feels as if I've entered into a new realm. A realm of exciting uncertainty, yet uncertainty brings some element of fear.

It feels different. It is different.

It is not as simple as it seems, it is not as easy as it seems, it is not as smooth as it seems.

Nothing much can I offer, but to cling on to God as He leads.

A turning point in my life.

Many things I cannot comprehend. Mind full of questions, "why?".

To live for the present or to live for the future?

God is definitely evident in my life:
My thoughts, He sees.
My cries, He hears.
My heart, He searches.
My soul, He comfort.
My resolutions, He challenges.
My work, He prospers.
My family, He blesses.
My hope, He multiplies.
My weakness, He strengthens.
My strengths, He's glorified.

The whole world may crucify me, the whole world may be against me. But when my heart and soul seekth the Lord, there I shall find my peace.

The start of a new chapter, begins.

*He guides me in paths of righteousness